I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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