you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
