Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
