I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
