He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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