i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
