Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
