weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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