i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
