Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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