come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
