Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I am naked and annoyed.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
