3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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