Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
