i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
