No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
