He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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