yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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