That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
