i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
