SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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