Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
