So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
