Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You are the jesus of drinking
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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