Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
