Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
