Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
