I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
