Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
