Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
