Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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