I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
