I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
