Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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