i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.