my computer doesn't work...
i puked on it last night
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.