Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
