I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha