I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.