I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
