Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
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