wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
