What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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