Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
