I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
