Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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