just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
