I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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