3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize