I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
