I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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