Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
