I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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