Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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