Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
