i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I think a kid would responsible me up
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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