Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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