Only a mothe r could love this liver
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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