What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....