Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+44): View more from England

Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

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(+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food. http://tfl.nu/05sf

Replies (20) Good night (3712) Bad night (852)
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(925): View more from California

he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look

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(925): he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look http://tfl.nu/dco3

Replies (34) Good night (913) Bad night (2587)
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(713): View more from Texas

My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it

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(713): My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it http://tfl.nu/zhky

Replies (109) Good night (1155) Bad night (4836)
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(989): View more from Michigan

I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.

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(989): I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS. http://tfl.nu/9dm1

Replies (27) Good night (8883) Bad night (1087)
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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!

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(414): I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name! http://tfl.nu/m6pe

Replies (22) Good night (6158) Bad night (822)
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(812): View more from Indiana

My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.

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(812): My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here. http://tfl.nu/tf3w

Replies (17) Good night (797) Bad night (4731)
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(812): View more from Indiana

For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor

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(812): For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor http://tfl.nu/nslr

Replies (9) Good night (1976) Bad night (3326)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u

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(401): Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u http://tfl.nu/jall

Replies (21) Good night (4309) Bad night (1115)
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(217): View more from Illinois

She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop

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(217): She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop http://tfl.nu/g9k9

Replies (6) Good night (2029) Bad night (747)
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(417): View more from Missouri

Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times

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(417): Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times http://tfl.nu/yrqe

Replies (3) Good night (1411) Bad night (647)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested

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(978): The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested http://tfl.nu/v6c6

Replies (1) Good night (982) Bad night (634)
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(815): View more from Illinois

He would drink pee if it was in a beer can

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(815): He would drink pee if it was in a beer can http://tfl.nu/8ib0

Replies (16) Good night (483) Bad night (1020)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?

(231): View more from Michigan

Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.

(401): View more from Rhode Island

I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.

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(401): Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here? (231): Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds. (401): I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window. http://tfl.nu/vqmu

Replies (0) Good night (1037) Bad night (378)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.

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(732): I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves. http://tfl.nu/qhy3

Replies (3) Good night (712) Bad night (549)
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(314): View more from Missouri

He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.

(1-314): View more from Missouri

So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?

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(314): He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left. (1-314): So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home? http://tfl.nu/r5sj

Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (361)

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