Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.