Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.