I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.