Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
I hate when you're right.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.