who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.