So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.