matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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