jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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