Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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