dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I could fuck to npr.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
