It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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