i think i have herpe
just one?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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