dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
