ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
