Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
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I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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