too bad you live with your parents still
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
