yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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