ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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