i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
