If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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