is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Operation Purity has been aborted
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
