I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
