My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
