Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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