my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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