I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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