we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
