I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
