Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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