just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
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