I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
